Monday, February 4, 2013

My Heavenly Father loves me....

I don't know about you but this past month or two or three I have been stressed, tired and just overwhelmed. I can't say it has been one thing but just lots of little things. I am sure my pregnancy hormones play a lot into this as well as my teaching schedule (28 students) and trying to keep up with the life of 4 young kids. Anyone relate? So yesterday I played with the mo tab. I performed for the music and the spoken word broadcast. It was not a very memorable broadcast as far as harp parts go but for some reason I was stressed. Honestly I think it was a combination of just my emotions coming to a head. As I left the broadcast and was driving home I just felt sad and overwhelmed. Wondering if I am going to be able to handle 5 kids and teaching and Kent traveling and just everything. I didn't know what to do and for the first time in my life I started questioning why I am putting so much effort and time and life into the harp. Haven't I put enough time? Is it time to throw in the towel and just say I did it and now I need to focus on being there for my kids and not others children? It has been something I have been wondering a lot about lately and praying about needing to know what I should do. Fast forward to this afternoon. The feelings of yesterday still weighing on my mind I was waiting in the dr. Office for Claire and I checked my Facebook status. I found that this sister from my old ward who I have spoken to maybe 3-4 times ever in my life had posted something about me. She told me how grateful she was to see me on the broadcast yesterday morning and how it must be such a blessing to be able to be a part of something so beautiful. She also said something to the extent like how nice it must be to have worked so hard on something and to be able to use my talents. I just about started crying right there in the waiting room. (remember pregnancy hormones!) I felt like this sister was an answer to me that my Heavenly Father is aware of me. He knows my trials and feelings and understands what I needed to be reminded of. I am so thankful for this small miracle in my life today. I am writing it down so I can remember that not only am I being looked after but that I need to be open to promptings that might help others. Thank you dear sweet sister in my old ward who listed and followed the spirit. I am so grateful for you! I haven't figured out anything concrete but I do know that the answers will come to me and that in time I will be guided to the path that will help me and others, because I know that my Heaveny Father Loves me!

5 comments:

Circe said...

Tearjerker! I love that! Thanks for sharing. The harp has always been part of who you are. I am impressed with your talent, dedication and passion. And you make pretty darn adorable kids, too!

Kelly Vincent said...

I talked to my mom on Sunday and she asked me if that was you playing the harp that day! I'm sad I missed seeing it.

I think what you were feeling is something that most of us moms feel, especially when the kids are little. I choose to spend some of my time blogging because I want to help others {I guess maybe it's using my talent...although not as cool as the harp!} and because I need something that is just for me. It's sure hard to balance life though, right?!

You're amazing.

Kim said...

You ARE amazing! I don't know how you do it all, I've never been able to figure that out! I think we have high expectations of being perfect. Sometimes we need to recognize that it's enough and we need to slow down, and it's ok. Good luck in your decision making! Wish I were closer and could have your kids over so you can rest!

allypally said...

To everything there is a season....

One of the things I struggle with sometimes is wanting my seasons to be all at once. I LOVE playing for OCMCO in the orchestra, I love it, but sometimes it is so hard to arrange babysitting and cover for meals when I'm gone for evening rehearsals. And then I feel guilty, because I should be home serving my family, right, instead of out doing fun things for myself?! There's a balance to find, and I am sure you will find it. Life is always, always harder than it should be with a pregnancy/new baby in the mix! If you have to let some things go for a little while you're not giving them up, just laying them down for a little while until you want to pick them up again:)

You will figure this out!

Becki said...

That is so awesome! Love this and thank you for sharing. It's amazing how the Lord finds little ways to answer prayers. You are amazing and I don't know how you do it all, but you do. Love you!!